The birth of D

I always know when I am pregnant. I didn't bother getting a pregnancy test but I guess I was in denial or maybe I was protecting myself from a possible loss. At 6 weeks I started to get severe nausea. The morning sickness was horrendous. I was basically bedridden for 6 weeks, could barely eat or drink and I felt useless and depressed. Thankfully my husband and daughter were fantastic during this period. The house didn't completely fall apart without me. The nausea continued til about 21 weeks as it slowly became less debilitating. Nausea still continued to rear its ugly head but not so violently. Its worth noting I rarely vomit and having nausea without relief really took it out of me.
At about 28 weeks I started to experience pre labour. I felt tightenings and expansions mostly in my pelvis irregularly over the last 10 weeks or so of the pregnancy. I did consider that I may go early this time but I didn't.

My estimated due date came and went on 8th May - Mothers Day.  Baby was very low in the pelvis, I never had much back or rib pain and for this I was glad as I enjoyed the movement and I was still active and going out with my family til the night of 10th May. This is when I had loss of bloody mucous plug - I had been losing a lot of mucous but this blood was long awaited. I was excited but nothing was happening so tried to rest.

For 2 hours I was restless and decided I would like to use the pool. I was feeling unsure at this point. I couldn't really feel much but pressure in my pelvis. I was in the pool, it was like I needed to push but my anxiety was holding me back. It was as if my waters needed to break, I resisted. I said "This is scary" many times. I got out to go to the toilet worried I would be stuck on there and have a baby on there so hurried back. Things really slowed down. I resigned that nothing was going to happen so we went to bed. Nothing much happening til the morning of the 12th May. I had decided to give up my anxiety and accept what was to happen. I really wanted something definite to happen and for my husband to stay home but he was needed at work. I thought that if nothing happened before he went to work, it wouldn't til at least the evening.
He left for work and I started to fill the pool. I figured if nothing was going to happen I would make use of the comfort of the pool.
I filled the pool but had to empty some as it was too cold. My daughter got up for school and wondered what was happening. Nothing much was happening as my daughter came in. I wasn't worried about the big kids going to school. My daughter helped me to keep the pool warm with kettles of boiled water. It was a big job and she was so excited. I had to calm her down though. It wasn't helping being asked many times, "How long now?" "How many cms are you dilated?" etc. "Will the baby come?" "Yes, maybe next week but eventually." Finally she calmed down and I felt a sense of maturity come over her. Only 11 but what a lot to expect of her. She was kept busy with pool warming and entertaining J - mostly cuddling.
Meanwhile my husband was calling every hour or 2. I told him that the contractions (which I only felt low in my pelvis, never across my belly or back or elsewhere) were slow and steady - 10 minutes apart so I was still not sure if anything was going to happen. Maybe that night or in the following week. Maybe the pool would slow it all down which I was fine with.

He called at 4 when I made an attempt at asking him to come home then as I was sick of it all. He said he would be back soon, 5:30pm. By that stage I had sent the big boys to their room. My toddler was singing as I moaned but when the fierce contractions came I had to scream and this led him to leap into big sister's lap.  I got back in the pool as a feeling of almost needing to bear down started. My daughter was sweeping and tidying up the mess on the floor that her brothers had made which I thought was great for her as I didn't want her to just sit there and watch. I know she was incredibly curious and wanted to see how I was getting bub out. When the boys heard my waters broke, they hugged each other and jumped about! Not long after I started feeling a very strong feeling in my butt (think bowling ball)- I had to scream through the contractions, this was tough. It was too late, I had to get this baby out. I was wanting to be pregnant for a while longer, I wanted to knit and do anything else. Not having a baby, but I hadn't a choice. This baby wanted out, so I pushed and the top of his head was out, oh my gosh this hurts. I felt his head, it was hard yet soft. Not something I could describe. Flexed head.
A second almighty push got the head all out. He was not yet free so I knew I had to push to get the shoulders out. It was probably quite fast and intense but at the time it may as well be in slow motion. I think when I had him on my chest the first thing I said was "Hello Hello" according to my daughter then "You hurt me, really hurt me!" Thought I'd never recover but  days later I was feeling fine. The shock probably didn't help at all. After bub was born the boys came in and N couldn't stop saying "Is it real?" over and over. Av looked stunned, he just stared at D. Initially J was keeping his distance but he seemed to like "Babe Born" pointing at him and smiling.
Not long after I felt the placenta coming off the wall. I had the urge to get it out. The kids were on Dad watch and couldn't wait to show them what we (really me!) did that day! He came in the door as the placenta was birthed. It was in a weird shape (scrunched up rather than flat I remember with the others) so I was trying to guide it out very gently.

Our 5th child, forth boy was born at 5:17pm on 12th May 2011


At some stage I was telling the kids to take pics but they were struggling so the first pics are weird! This photo by me.

Hubby asked if we should keep bub attached so D was lotus born on 15th May at 10:30am.

Homebirth is pretty silly

Okay then!

"I gave birth to my second daughter on the beach at Margaret River. Was told by the doctor the previous day I had least another week so we decided to go away for the Australia Day long weekend. Went into labour walking around with toddler who wouldn't settle down for the night in the tent. Initially my (ex) partner ...didn't believe me until I went outside and screamed and he came just in time to catch baby before she hit the sand! My daughter is now 32 and a great believer in
natural/home births. And no I didn't call her Sandy. :)"

That is the story of my birth. I was not a homebirth, yet a freebirth unplanned. I am quite sure I have been avoiding doctors all my life!

I do not think homebirth is silly. Nor is it dangerous. What is silly and dangerous in my mind is putting my life in someone else's hands when its not necessary. Which in turn is putting my child's life at risk. What the naysayers need to understand is, homebirth is not just a desire of the mother. Her rights come first and when you care and respect for the woman, you are doing same for the unborn child. Its not about doing all for the baby and forgetting the woman is a person. That is what is inherently wrong with my experiences having babies in hospital. Yes, I do matter. My physical and emotional wellbeing matter when I am caring for the precious newborn for whom people will do anything for when I am in labour. The contrast after I had my youngest son was immense. Was I so selfish to do what is best for me? To avoid the trauma? Not only for myself but my family too. Don't they deserve a happy mother?

Birth choices

What is a valid birth choice?

February 18th was a day we had in our calenders for the past 2 weeks. We were going to Ballarat to meet our PM Kevin Rudd. We didn't know where exactly but this would be good. My kids skipped school in the hope they could speak to Rudd about choices.  My daughter was quite upset that she was unable to speak to the Premier when he visited the school last week. Now she is starting to think politicians really don't don't want to hear from you. Rudd was a no show. He was in Ballarat, but I felt he was avoiding us.
Rallies occurred in 15 locations in Australia.

I was asked what I thought of this rally in comparison to past rallies. Calmer, more relaxed.

It has been my understanding that these rallies are for saving homebirth with a midwife. This is fine as I support this for women who so choose. I have felt it is about savng the jobs of midwives which is great as we need true birth experts rather than surgeons in birth.
I have never felt it was about birth choices til yesterday. There were mostly consumer voices which I value but not really about homebirth which may not be a clear choice in a few months.
Is freebirth a valid birth choice? Many people do not think so. Yet how many times does it happen unplanned? I was an unplanned freebirth. I know people who have such quick labours, they just don't make it to the hospital. My labours have been fast so I believe its in my best interest and that of my baby's health to plan for an unassisted birth. Is that not wise? I hear of women who have their midwives arrive after the birth at home. I assume babies arrive quicker at home because the environment is better, mother is calmer, less restrictions and interventions.
I do not want strangers at my births any more. I have been there and I did not need it or appreciate it. You can argue that an independant midwife is different to a random hospital midwife, that you have gotten to know them in a short 6 months or so, but I cannnot be sure. It seems to be risky to me. I am fearful of having a stranger enter my home while I am vulnerable and possible harm me (and in turn, my baby) in my home. I respect that people feel differently but I weigh up my options and do what is best for me.

 

Look, a rare family  photo. Taken by a midwife we met and we later joked we would hire her cos she was lovely but then maybe just to be naughty and break the law. :/ This was probably the most social and relaxed rally I have been to. I met another homebirther who inspired me with her own freebirth when I was pregnant with J. I gave my email to 2 midwives whom we spoke to for a while after most people had left. My husband spoke to a few men that were there (he also did speak to a homebirth Dad at the Orgasmic Birth screening on the weekend and I think its helpful to have that understanding). I am still shy and reserved but I feel I am getting to know these faces, it would be great in helping us to homeschool I reckon. Again, Av made friends - how does he do that? I have never tried to "socialise" him and yet he has no issues (and his siblings too) like I seem to. My daughter talked to nearly everyone who talked to us. I don't think people expect that.

Homebirth is safe

Homebirth horror headlines?

The AMA president Andrew Pesce thinks homebirth is unsafe but we know better.

Our first family protest.

My daughter was very excited.

Junstine Caines was interrupted by heavy machinery.

Its hard not to feel weary after each protest wondering why people can't see how natural things happen in the best way when left alone. And its strange we have to fight for our choices to do things naturally.

Before J turns one

Just a few pictures because my littliest boy is growing up fast with only a few weeks away from turning one.
On the weekend the kids spent time with their cousins so we took J to the park where he went on the slide for the first time. And apparrently its better to turn when you slide so you can just crawl away!
J has 6 teeth now. He had his first stomach bug (courtesy of the big kids and we all shared that, even me) which resulted in an interupted night and projectile vomit for the first time.
He has curls around his neck and ears which is long and wispy. The big kids have straight hair like their Dad so its nice and different to see a little of me in my kids.
J doesn't really like much sleep though he does enjoy all night cuddles and feeds. He does occassionally sleep in the car, on us or rarely out of arms.
He is mostly breastfeed but has started to enjoy snacks likes whole apples and pears (though he spits out the skin) as well as vegees and other foods. He has never had purees (closest would be yogurt) and it makes nappy changing easier ;) . He does have nappy free time often but he doesn't use the potty.
This week we are preparing to attend the Homebirth (Save Birth Choices) rally in Canberra.
Why am I attending? Its not like I will ever have an independant midwife attend my labours.
Because I care about choices. I care about my choice and individual choice. I care about my daughter's right to have an IM if that is what she chooses in many years to come.
Actually my husband heard about the rally before I did and he suggested we go. So here goes...

Born at Home

Bec from Envoy Nappies sent me an embroidered minkee cut to sew onto a tee for J to wear to the Rally. http://www.joyousbirth.info/homebirth-is-not-a-crime.html

I am not a good sewer which is why it is placed low but its straight and I only messed up once. I did have both my little boys trying to help!

Questions and my answers about birth

A few birth questions



1. Place and manner of your children’s births:


My first three children were born in hospital. Monitoring. Midwives. All less than 10 hours in labour. My first labour close to perfect. It was ruined when a mw wanted to perform an internal and I was rushed to the bed, yelled at as I birthed on my back. My second was quite traumatic for me. Excessive monitoring. Midwife who never left me - just stared and made me feel ultra uncomfortable. Recovery was horrendous. My third I wanted to accidently have at home. I was kicked out of BC for low iron and deemed high risk. I tried to labour onmy own terms but it was still hosp policy and all that. I was able to tune out the mws and ignore them as much as possible. I breathed instead of pushed. Recovery was better. Tearing was an issue. 2nd, borderline 3rd and 2nd.
I had had an enough.

I decided homebirth for #4 and by the time I was pregnant I was intending an unassisted pregnancy and birth. It was the best choice. My forth child was birthed in water into my hands. No strangers. Just birth. Safe and wonderful.

2. Your involvement with birth:

I birthed all my children. Only in the first 3, other people got in the way.
I 'caught' my forth child. My husband was more involved this time. Filling the pool, taking photos, cleaning up, etc.

3. What is your definition of unassisted childbirth (also called unabirth, UC, or freebirth)?

For me its being left alone to do what it takes to have my baby my way. Medically unassisted or supervised.


4. What makes birth safe or unsafe?

Great question. For me, being safe was not having interference from anyone (though my husband was there). I knew how to birth. I had the experience and having the knowledge I also had faith in birth (life) itself.
Unsafe, is the unknown. That can happen anywhere and I would suppose more likely in hospital because more variaritions, people and ultimately not your (or baby's) best interest first and foremost. Its just the way it is.


5. Is there a kind of unassisted birth you prefer and why? (solo birth, couple’s birth, family birth, UC with a doula or friend present, etc.)

Personally I prefer just myself and husband. Even then, husband is supporting not assisting. My children at home but not present. Birth is deeply personal to me. Not unlike conception.

6. How did you first learn about unassisted birth? Have your feelings about it changed over time?

I wanted it but it wasn't til I read online that I was more drawn to it. Having had one, I know its the best safest option for me. There is no other way to birth.

7. Do you have any acquaintances, friends, or family members who have given birth unassisted?

No.
I don't even know any homebirthers. Oh actually, I was born free but that wasn't planned. Also have friend who had 2 at home unplanned (very quick labours).


8. Why did you choose an unassisted birth?

Maybe I am a loner. Not a social person in the least. Maybe even a control freak.
I am ultimately responsible for myself, my body and my children. That becomes compromised when others have their own agendas.
I trust no one.

9. What else was unusual about this birth?

What else? Nothing was unusual in the first place!. Very straightforward.
J moved throughout the labour which was reassuring.
I caught my baby.
He fell asleep afterwards.
No cord around the neck (like the first 3 did)


10. Please tell your unassisted birth story.

ididitmyway

11. Did you have health insurance? Did it cover (attended) homebirth? Did finances or insurance influence your decision to have an unassisted birth?

No.
Hospital birth is free in Australia.
I didn't want a mw so our only cost was the birthing pool. I always wanted a waterbirth. I had to organise that. It would be free at hosp if they actually allowed it (Insert rant)

12. How did you prepare yourself and your family for the birth?

Talking, watching videos, etc


13. Please describe your prenatal care?

Healthy eating, gentle exercise, plenty of rest.
Common sense.
Best pregnancy ever.
Very little stress - compared to my previous prenatal care - far better.

14. How did friends and family members react to your plans to birth unassisted?

Husband was initially not in agreeance. Actually so against it, I considered solo birthing. He wanted a mw. Finally came around. Intelligent man.

Mum and MIL horrified. Accepting in their own way in the end.
SILs impressed and curious.
Most people were confused. They didn't understand you could actually make your own choices. *sigh*
Mixed reaction really.
I had one friend who was full of questions which drove me mad at the time.
My other SIL actually tried to convince me to birth at local hospital because of the awesome amount of money they spent on their buildings. *cough* Yeah thanks!

Very little support for UC. You would have to really want to do it!

15. Did your unassisted birth meet your expectations? Would you do it again?

Absolutely wonderful.
Everything I wanted. My children fall asleep before the contractions picked up.
My husband was helpful. Fantastic in fact. I was prepared for the pain and was able to deal with it better without strangers staring at me. The birth was perfect. No stinging no tearing. It was one go and he was out. Very quick birth. My body took over and did what it had to do.


I sure will do it again (hopefully at least once) if I am blessed to have another pregnancy in a couple years.


16. Would you recommend unassisted birth to others? Why or why not?

If that is what they want, definitely.
If not, then don't.
I believe in choice.
I do believe freebirth is very safe but because of society today its not as apparent.


17. Please list any books, people, articles, or videos that influenced your choice to have an unassisted birth.

Laura Shanley, her website, and her video. http://unassistedchildbirth.com/

Laurie Morgan, her online book (not available online anymore, but Rixa can email you a .pdf of it if you are interested.)

CBirth yahoo email group. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/c-birth/

Books: Unassisted Homebirth, An Act of Love, by Lynn Griesemer

Water Birth, by Susanna Napierala

Birthing From Within, by Pam England and Rob Horowitz. This is the book I
was reading for Question 8, which helped me realize this is what I wanted.

Purebirth Australia


18. What other parenting and lifestyle choices are important to you?


Demand and full term breastfeeding.
Babywearing
Non vaxxing
Co-sleeping
Respect children - their feelings and choices.
My children's father
Provident living
Human rights
Common sense

19. What is your perspective on midwifery, especially homebirth midwifery?

Its a choice.
Not one I want. I had bad experiences with mws at hosp. I felt that if I was to have a mw may as well go to hosp. I wanted it be my birth, not for a stranger to share in.

I would say having a mw is 2nd best to having a freebirth and better than a medicalised birth in hospital.

20. Include any other comments or experiences below.

Interestingly people who meet J comment that a freebirth is the reason why he is so relaxed and happy. Maybe so. I think my life is so much more stable and enjoyable than it was post partum with my first 3. In retrospect PTSD is probably what I was suffering with. I struggled so much and there really was no need.

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