Birth choices

What is a valid birth choice?

February 18th was a day we had in our calenders for the past 2 weeks. We were going to Ballarat to meet our PM Kevin Rudd. We didn't know where exactly but this would be good. My kids skipped school in the hope they could speak to Rudd about choices.  My daughter was quite upset that she was unable to speak to the Premier when he visited the school last week. Now she is starting to think politicians really don't don't want to hear from you. Rudd was a no show. He was in Ballarat, but I felt he was avoiding us.
Rallies occurred in 15 locations in Australia.

I was asked what I thought of this rally in comparison to past rallies. Calmer, more relaxed.

It has been my understanding that these rallies are for saving homebirth with a midwife. This is fine as I support this for women who so choose. I have felt it is about savng the jobs of midwives which is great as we need true birth experts rather than surgeons in birth.
I have never felt it was about birth choices til yesterday. There were mostly consumer voices which I value but not really about homebirth which may not be a clear choice in a few months.
Is freebirth a valid birth choice? Many people do not think so. Yet how many times does it happen unplanned? I was an unplanned freebirth. I know people who have such quick labours, they just don't make it to the hospital. My labours have been fast so I believe its in my best interest and that of my baby's health to plan for an unassisted birth. Is that not wise? I hear of women who have their midwives arrive after the birth at home. I assume babies arrive quicker at home because the environment is better, mother is calmer, less restrictions and interventions.
I do not want strangers at my births any more. I have been there and I did not need it or appreciate it. You can argue that an independant midwife is different to a random hospital midwife, that you have gotten to know them in a short 6 months or so, but I cannnot be sure. It seems to be risky to me. I am fearful of having a stranger enter my home while I am vulnerable and possible harm me (and in turn, my baby) in my home. I respect that people feel differently but I weigh up my options and do what is best for me.

 

Look, a rare family  photo. Taken by a midwife we met and we later joked we would hire her cos she was lovely but then maybe just to be naughty and break the law. :/ This was probably the most social and relaxed rally I have been to. I met another homebirther who inspired me with her own freebirth when I was pregnant with J. I gave my email to 2 midwives whom we spoke to for a while after most people had left. My husband spoke to a few men that were there (he also did speak to a homebirth Dad at the Orgasmic Birth screening on the weekend and I think its helpful to have that understanding). I am still shy and reserved but I feel I am getting to know these faces, it would be great in helping us to homeschool I reckon. Again, Av made friends - how does he do that? I have never tried to "socialise" him and yet he has no issues (and his siblings too) like I seem to. My daughter talked to nearly everyone who talked to us. I don't think people expect that.

Feminism and motherhood.

I read with great interest these two articles 2002  2008.
I grew up wanting to be a mother. A career never interested me. Not sure why. I would say I wanted to be a teacher, a childcare worker, a youth worker or anything to do with children. Really I just wanted to be a Mum but you can't say that. You have to make something up! I was never told I could be whatever want (something I tell my children) but rather told that I couldn't do certain things for totally irrational reasons. I wanted to be a youth worker. You can't, you aren't confident enough. I wanted to be a writer. You can't, you don't have what it takes. Maybe I am weak for listening to them but I am glad I did. It would have not been what I really wanted to do. I didn't want to marry just anyone or just have children at any cost. But at 21 I did fall in love and marry. I had my first child at 22 and though my Mum cautioned against getting pregnant straight away, our marriage survived and its stronger now.

http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/

1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? I am not a part of a movement, I am my own person. I don't belong to any group or label. But I feel strongly that as an individual I can make an impact and I have rights. Its all about human rights for me.  When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother? I have no clue- I am only starting to realise that I am and I believe it impossible for me not be interested in my rights! I have always been interested in human rights so its the same to me.
   
2. What has surprised you most about motherhood? I didn't expect to learn so much.
   
3. How has your feminism changed over time? More aware of the need for it, still trying to understand it. What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism? The balancing act - we all have value, nobody's needs are more important than anyone else's needs. So though I attend to my children I have to look after myself too.
   
4. What makes your mothering feminist? My children are equal with me in their value as is my husband, we work together as a family, I am not their slave, I am their mother, my husband's wife. How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? Honestly have no idea. What is a non-feminist? A misognist? How does feminism impact upon your parenting? I aim for equality and fairness. I question anything and everything whenever I can.
   
5. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? It is a balancing act. Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother? Yes, no one is perfect.
   
6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Yes. Its not something I talk about much. Its still something I am trying to work out. Why? The general consensus is that feminism is no longer necessary and we should be just be happy we have the vote. That is why we need feminism, we are far from equal with that attitude. We are given the impression all is well with us and we don't need to fight and we are should get on with our lives. The powers that be don't want us to indentify as feminists as it ruins their status quo.
   
7. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist? Yes that is the balancing I realise. I need sleep, my child needs my care. I have learnt to meet in the middle ground and its something I have to think about in the big picture.The way I parent facilitates as much as possible the needs of our family as a whole.
   
8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? He has only started to realise I am a feminist but is not that surprised. He has commented about those crazy feminist hippies. He married one and its changing the way he thinks and we are working more as a team than ever before. What is the impact of your feminism on your partner? We have more respect for each other. He sees my needs are just as important as his, that women are human and the issues that women face affect us all.
   
9. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them? I think it makes it easier in some ways. Helps keep a better balance. If I feel connected to my children then I can address their needs and wants, in turn they feel more confident and independant and I feel more whole too. I still feel as though at times I don't have personal space or me time but it comes around and it is important to me. My children's well being is of utmost importance so its just a matter of prioritising, which is the challenge. Its not meant to be easy.
   
10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? In some ways yes, because the belief that feminists can't be mothers or don't want to be is wrong. We need the free thinkers and the questioners to be procreating. We need stronger families and it starts with mothers. Its sad to me that the biggest feminist issue is largely being ignored ie. Birth.  Its the beginning, it is everything, it is so important and it involves women solely. Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers? Perspective....