Chess and dominoes

 http://instagr.am/p/J7HFj_xmVA/

My daughter had been wanting some more clothing and having put her off for a few weeks to having to pay off the car registration, we finally had the chance to go to a few local opportunity shops. She managed to find an outfit she adores - cosplay is a term (as far as I understand it) used to describe costume play for people to dress as anime characters. The outfit consisted of cap, cardigan, tee, skirt, knee high socks and shoes. She did very well, I thought. I also scored Chess set, a set of dominoes, plus wetsuit. N set out to learn how to play Chess a couple of months ago and enjoys to play. The dominoes a hit too and I m going to have to get more.

My daughter is finding her time out of school a success and has no plans to return. She is enjoying drawing which is fantastic as she has a real talent for it that I believe went along the wayside as the school didn't do art so much.

N turned 9 last Sunday. I know these days, hospitals are evicting babies before they are ready but I felt no pressure to have an induction and went into spontaneous labour with him at 42 weeks. It was an exhausting pregnancy but with no morning sickness to speak of, it was at least more bearable than my other pregnancies. We had just moved house and he decided to join  us. It was a difficult labour for me, I had a midwife constantly at my side making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. I really wanted her to leave. She discussed baby names and circumcision with my husband and while I was in transition suggested I get dressed. I had a borderline third degree tear and I suffered for the first 6 weeks as if I was nauseated. I was advised to have a c-section with subsequent babies but at the time thought 2 children would be enough.

I am wanting him to homeschool but he is not as keen so I am trying my best to support him as I am worried he is starting to feel conflicted. I think he has realised you don't need school to learn but enjoys even if it is boring, repetitive and easy for him. Or as he told me today "Its in the realm of ordinary." He is an autodidact and has the ability to discover things and learn on his own. Most of what he tells me goes over my head, being science and maths based.

J likes to write out J with the dominoes in 'monster' and other sizes.

Births

Unfortunately I am not keeping out with the blog, so much happens and I forget.
 I have felt inspired to update the blogs of my freebirthed babies with finally Day's montage.
 Day's birth
 As well as  photos to show how much J has grown over the past few birthdays (3rd,2nd,and 1st). He now has shorter hair and talks in sentences. Strong for a reason is my bet. This year he will be 4. He is often asked if he goes to school or Kinder sohe must look much older. At this stage we plan for him tobe homeschooling alongside his big brother. I am feeling confident about my children not going to school. We are slowly building upanetwork of likeminded parents and that has helped agreat deal. We even had a chat with a local who is considering homeschooling. Three of his children are at the same high school as my daughter and he isn't impressed with them either.

I am reminded why I don't blog too often, I ramble....

The birth of Freckle has been on my mind in most recent days. I was able to attend the blessingway and having some purple threads tied around my wrist helps me think of it.
I made the precious boy a breastfeeding beanie and I was honored to see it on him in some gorgeous photos.

I have been sporadically knitting and crocheting and my stash has dwindled. I have been busy and quite distracted doing various things.
My big girl turned 12 towards the end of February, she maturing in many ways, her hormones prove to me she is not a little girl. We went to a vegan cafe for lunch on her birthday.

I remember my daughter's birth.I remember the morning sickness  I suffered during the pregnancy, how strange it seemed that antenatal care seemed pointless, how the doctors wanted me to abort our much wanted child in the case she may have a chromosomnal abnormality like my sister had. I remember how I was ignored through the labour and how they took over as my baby crowned and treated me with such disrespect that I didn't understand.  I had no expectations or even a birth plan. I tore and the doctor took so long to repair it and this was a source of trauma for me as well as possibly the shock. I found the emotions of being a new mother incredibly overwhelming.

My girl was born chubby and so healthy.

Such a gorgeous little soul, I look back and wish I enjoyed those moments more.I was unwell when she was a baby possibly due to the birth and depression. I had Graves disease and when she was a toddler, I had surgery to remove my thyroid.

I feel have made so many mistakes but I don't know it all and I will continue to learn.

The birth of D

I always know when I am pregnant. I didn't bother getting a pregnancy test but I guess I was in denial or maybe I was protecting myself from a possible loss. At 6 weeks I started to get severe nausea. The morning sickness was horrendous. I was basically bedridden for 6 weeks, could barely eat or drink and I felt useless and depressed. Thankfully my husband and daughter were fantastic during this period. The house didn't completely fall apart without me. The nausea continued til about 21 weeks as it slowly became less debilitating. Nausea still continued to rear its ugly head but not so violently. Its worth noting I rarely vomit and having nausea without relief really took it out of me.
At about 28 weeks I started to experience pre labour. I felt tightenings and expansions mostly in my pelvis irregularly over the last 10 weeks or so of the pregnancy. I did consider that I may go early this time but I didn't.

My estimated due date came and went on 8th May - Mothers Day.  Baby was very low in the pelvis, I never had much back or rib pain and for this I was glad as I enjoyed the movement and I was still active and going out with my family til the night of 10th May. This is when I had loss of bloody mucous plug - I had been losing a lot of mucous but this blood was long awaited. I was excited but nothing was happening so tried to rest.

For 2 hours I was restless and decided I would like to use the pool. I was feeling unsure at this point. I couldn't really feel much but pressure in my pelvis. I was in the pool, it was like I needed to push but my anxiety was holding me back. It was as if my waters needed to break, I resisted. I said "This is scary" many times. I got out to go to the toilet worried I would be stuck on there and have a baby on there so hurried back. Things really slowed down. I resigned that nothing was going to happen so we went to bed. Nothing much happening til the morning of the 12th May. I had decided to give up my anxiety and accept what was to happen. I really wanted something definite to happen and for my husband to stay home but he was needed at work. I thought that if nothing happened before he went to work, it wouldn't til at least the evening.
He left for work and I started to fill the pool. I figured if nothing was going to happen I would make use of the comfort of the pool.
I filled the pool but had to empty some as it was too cold. My daughter got up for school and wondered what was happening. Nothing much was happening as my daughter came in. I wasn't worried about the big kids going to school. My daughter helped me to keep the pool warm with kettles of boiled water. It was a big job and she was so excited. I had to calm her down though. It wasn't helping being asked many times, "How long now?" "How many cms are you dilated?" etc. "Will the baby come?" "Yes, maybe next week but eventually." Finally she calmed down and I felt a sense of maturity come over her. Only 11 but what a lot to expect of her. She was kept busy with pool warming and entertaining J - mostly cuddling.
Meanwhile my husband was calling every hour or 2. I told him that the contractions (which I only felt low in my pelvis, never across my belly or back or elsewhere) were slow and steady - 10 minutes apart so I was still not sure if anything was going to happen. Maybe that night or in the following week. Maybe the pool would slow it all down which I was fine with.

He called at 4 when I made an attempt at asking him to come home then as I was sick of it all. He said he would be back soon, 5:30pm. By that stage I had sent the big boys to their room. My toddler was singing as I moaned but when the fierce contractions came I had to scream and this led him to leap into big sister's lap.  I got back in the pool as a feeling of almost needing to bear down started. My daughter was sweeping and tidying up the mess on the floor that her brothers had made which I thought was great for her as I didn't want her to just sit there and watch. I know she was incredibly curious and wanted to see how I was getting bub out. When the boys heard my waters broke, they hugged each other and jumped about! Not long after I started feeling a very strong feeling in my butt (think bowling ball)- I had to scream through the contractions, this was tough. It was too late, I had to get this baby out. I was wanting to be pregnant for a while longer, I wanted to knit and do anything else. Not having a baby, but I hadn't a choice. This baby wanted out, so I pushed and the top of his head was out, oh my gosh this hurts. I felt his head, it was hard yet soft. Not something I could describe. Flexed head.
A second almighty push got the head all out. He was not yet free so I knew I had to push to get the shoulders out. It was probably quite fast and intense but at the time it may as well be in slow motion. I think when I had him on my chest the first thing I said was "Hello Hello" according to my daughter then "You hurt me, really hurt me!" Thought I'd never recover but  days later I was feeling fine. The shock probably didn't help at all. After bub was born the boys came in and N couldn't stop saying "Is it real?" over and over. Av looked stunned, he just stared at D. Initially J was keeping his distance but he seemed to like "Babe Born" pointing at him and smiling.
Not long after I felt the placenta coming off the wall. I had the urge to get it out. The kids were on Dad watch and couldn't wait to show them what we (really me!) did that day! He came in the door as the placenta was birthed. It was in a weird shape (scrunched up rather than flat I remember with the others) so I was trying to guide it out very gently.

Our 5th child, forth boy was born at 5:17pm on 12th May 2011


At some stage I was telling the kids to take pics but they were struggling so the first pics are weird! This photo by me.

Hubby asked if we should keep bub attached so D was lotus born on 15th May at 10:30am.

D's birth announcement

My youngest child was born on 12th May 2011. It was quite an eventful birth but details will have to wait. Our little boy is wonderful and is very spoiled with the love of 6

Craft break

A pair of longie with added pocket. The longies are crocheted and the pcoket was knit so I could embellish a watermellish guitar.Yes I do like guitars.
I am currently having break from crafting, firstly because I literally have no yarn stash and have no money to buy more and secondly to focus on the pregnancy and doing a few other things I have been wanting to do. Namely, reading a few books (Red Tent and Birthing From Within), cleaning house properly (washing walls and all that fun stuff) and just enjoying my family as it is now. I am working on a latch hook rug but its slow going as its a fair size. I am very aware I wont have much time or inclination to craft for the first 6 months of being a mama to 5.

Another pair of longies. These were both made with BWM yarns and will fit bub at about 6mth I think.

A staying home dress. Its very cute, I love the idea of making dresses but don't have much reason to. My daughter is 11 and going into ladies sizes so its fun to make baby dresses even if I do get to gift it.

I do enjoy the Versa. This one I made to the 10ply pattern with 12ply yarn.

Slippers that fit J, he actually likes these.

Made a few washers, and scrubbies as they are always useful and use up cotton scraps.

So I am in my 34th week of pregnancy and its all good. Interestingly when I have prelabour I get so excited about the idea of setting up the birth pool, of going into labour and giving birth. I am looking forward to it. But at other times I am worried. I don't feel ready, even with at least a few weeks to go til I think I will be in labour, it seems its so close. This pregnancy has gone rather quickly (though when I had the severe MS it went incredibly slow) and I can see it will have an end and think maybe going to 43weeks wont be so bad. But then with J, 42 weeks felt so right so its normal to me.
Our landlord has pulled down our sheds (rather his friend did and the boys loved watching) and the carport too. Our backyard is a shambles as we wait for a skip to load it into. A temporary fence will soon be put up and we will lose our big backyard to a new townhouse the landlord is building. This is not a surprise to us as he let us know his plans before we moved in so after 2 and a half years he has begun to make a move. The silver lining is our rent has been reduced and we may move into the townhouse when its built, the garage may work as another room and we can get out of this house that sorely needs to be renovated at the least or rebuilt at best. I just wish it would happen before bub was born as I am finding it hard to nest at this stage and get much done as we have so little space. Financially we are doing it tough but we will adapt, happily we pay off the van this year and hopefully this will free us to do what we really want to do, lifestyle wise but we shall see. I almost feel trapped at this stage. At any rate, I am rambling.

My 5 year old boy received his first certificate at Karate last week. This means he is yellow tip or 9th kyu. The sensei thinks he is working well for his first grading to yellow belt. He is very excited (though initially surprised and chuffed) to be doing Karate and working towards something.

He is also enjoying copying the letters of the alphabet and random words he finds. I am glad its his choice to do this as he is learning for himself. I have only said its easier to understand computer games when you can read so maybe that is his motivation!  He also enjoys basic numbers and can now count confidently to ten. He is learning the alphabet and even though most children knows these things as toddlers, his depth of understanding seems to be great. He asks lots of questions and makes some interesting conclusions and I love his freethinking ways!

We have a deal that he can go on the computer if he helps clean the loungeroom and get dressed. He used to hate cleaning up the smallest mess but now without complaint, will tidy up and even sweep. He even says "Its easy to clean!"
Its been 2 and a half years since my youngest child was born into my hands, lifted out of the water and onto my chest. I was amazed by his barrel chest and big lips, which to this day he still has. Only child of mine who didn't have breastfeeding lip (where the lip tends to get dry in the middle because of sucking) possibly because his lips are so big and they curl when he feeds. This is a wonderful thing I can do for him, feed til this age and beyond. Since I have been producing colostrum he is very interested again.

Just for remembrance sake, just moments after his birth, which took his father by surprise. It was such a quick and easy birth after experiencing FER (foetal ejection reflex), a great example of a normal physiological birth, a truly natural birth.

Summary of the decade dubbed the "Naughties"

This will test my memory, trying to remember the last decade. Its hard enough remembering what I did yesterday. How could I forget I became a mother in 2000....

My first child surprised us all by being a girl! We didn't try long to conceive her, we were married 2 months before I became pregnant with her. I knew I was in the family way when we traveled to WA and came back driving across the Nullabor and just didn't feel quite right. A doctor hadn't a clue so waited til we came back home to see the family doctor, not having a clue ourselves what to do next. We didn't know about home pregnancy tests (now I know they are unnecessary - I knew I was pregnant!) and what on Earth do you do when pregnant anyway? Trust the doctor? Well I couldn't even back then. But I did all that was expected, went to all the appointments and thankfully only one ultrasound and it was quite stressful anyway. The labour went well as the midwives ignored me - probably assuming I would labour for at least 10 hours. We didn't rush in so by the time I arrived in hospital I was in established labour and it went fast. Obviously they had no idea how far I was. When a midwife asked to perform the first internal (which didn't happen), I was required to get out of the shower where there was much relief. My waters broke and 13 minutes later my daughter was born. I had a tear that required much stitching. I found that hard to deal with and took gas. Having a baby and becoming a mother was a surreal feeling.  I was shocked by how difficult being so depended on was yet I adored my daughter and didn't want to be a way from her.

Unfortunately in many ways I ignored my instincts and did things like controlled crying, avoiding co-sleeping and not breastfeeding beyond 12 months. When you know better you do better. So after some trials and being sick with Graves disease which required 2 weeks in hospital with surgery, I finally became pregnant again.

We co-slept  from day one. I had a son in 2003, we as a family became close, we fell in love, it was a wonderful time. Unfortunately it was a traumatic birth for me. I had  a borderline third degree tear which took 6 weeks to recover from. It was a beautiful time in our family though, my daughter at 3 years, 2 months became a big sister. She told me she loved me for the first time when she first met her brother. And she started to become more outgoing when he arrived.

I thought my idea of having 5 children was not ideal at this stage. I could be happy with the boring average of 2 children, the pigeon pair. We left it to nature - as we do, and soon enough I was pregnant with my third child. My eldest son was quite unwell with severe eczema and still in nappies when our next child was born in 2005 so it was challenging. He was 2.5 years old and I believe quite put out by the new arrival. I had wanted to accidentally have him at home, having a freebirth appealed to me. I thought it would be my only chance at not being treated disrespectfully by strangers who thought they knew better. I wanted to avoid a tear so read up about breathing rather than pushing through contractions. I still had a tear but my recovery was better despite the place of birth, the hospital again. I had planned to birth in the birth centre but I was kicked out for borderline iron levels which meant I was high risk according to them. This meant I had a drip and catheter post birth, not with consent. As soon as he was born, I knew I would have a freebirth the next time. I had had enough. I researched unassisted pregnancy and unassisted birth and I was not going to do it any other way. There was no question....

Until of course my husband expressed shock that it was still on my mind when I became pregnant with my 4th child. Ultimately it was my choice, so we planned for a homebirth, buying a birth pool which was actually something my husband had always wanted for us. Water birth was just something not available to us in hospital. It was the best choice I ever made for our family. I am still dealing with issues related to my hospital births but being able to knowingly avoid it was exactly what I needed to do. In 2008 I had my wonderfully normal physiologically natural birth at home in water.

It was special - I brought  him out of the water myself after a short undisturbed 1.5 hour labour and foetal ejection reflex where it took only about one minute to push him into the world. (I pushed for less than 3o minutes in all my labours).

I had my first babymoon and I could easily say I was on a high for close to a year. I never knew I could enjoy pregnancy, birth and the newborn stage! It was awesome, no other word for it. I did things as my instinct dictated, we still breastfeed, co-sleep and cuddle as needed. J is 27mths now and we are expecting our 5th child in this new decade - May this year.

Okay that was just about my babies. I have to add that I did see some bands live and participate in other hobbies that I adore (I do not want to estimate how many kilos of yarn I have knitted and crocheted into wearable garments or other items). I saw magic dirt (the best band in  the world) play a few times which I am grateful for, the bass player passed away sadly also.

We traveled to quite a few beautiful coastal  and rural towns and loved our roadtrips.
I became an aunty to nieces and nephews and we lost my Pop, my husband's biological father and sister.
Thankful for my photos that helped me to remember some of these things, also for being online so I can try to keep a regular journal of happenings in my childrens' young lives.

In summary this decade was a learning decade. I learned to be a better mother, wife, person. And guess what? Still not perfected so I keep trudging forward doing all that I can with the knowledge that I have been fortunate to require all the while making more mistakes to learn from. And I still don't know how to trust in people, but I have learned a lot about love.

Throwing Out the lies with the birth water

Last night we attended the Melbourne screening of  "Throwing out the lies with the birth water" by Rani O'Keefe (pic by BellyBelly Kelly.) [We were at the back, my husband is in this photo in blue.] I had to stand for the movie but it was worth it. Rhea Dempsey spoke about the need for women to have access to their birthing hormones and instincts and getting to that place where the neo cortex is gone! The way she explained it was very insightful. The movie was about the situation in the Blue Mountains where its become difficult for women to travel to birth and how its essential that women can choose to stay home.



After the movie, Alex Bhathal, a Greens politician from Batman electorate spoke on where the Green party stand as far as the Maternity Reform making it effectively impossible for women to have birth choices. They hope to have enough power in Parliament that they may start from scratch with Maternity Reform, that is really the only hope.

A video on how Julia Gillard has shown her lack of concern for women today in Australia.




Speaking of politics, the Federal election is on Saturday (21st August). At the moment we are in caretaker mode in Australia (with Julia Gillard as our first female prime minister). I think that means even campaigns are slow and boring!
In our electorate we are a safe Labor seat. I often see Labor posters and occasionally Greens but never Liberal. My daughter brought me a little info on the local Greens candidate on a mailout she found on the way home from school. I could only find one article on our local candidate. She is 1st on the ballot paper. My other choices are Family First and Socialist so I am decided. I will vote below the line on the white paper and for which I only have a rough idea how I will vote at this stage.
There are independants standing in 4 areas of Australia who need votes to stand up against those who oppose birth choices.  Sally Anne Brown for Corangamite (VIC), Michelle Meares for Robertson (NSW), Amy Bell for Macquarie (QLD), Rebecca Jenkinson for Dickson, (QLD).
Michelle Meares, Amy Bell, Sally-Anne Brown and Rebecca Jenkinson are standing in marginal seats of Robertson, Macquarie, Corangamite and Dickson respectively.

Homebirth is pretty silly

Okay then!

"I gave birth to my second daughter on the beach at Margaret River. Was told by the doctor the previous day I had least another week so we decided to go away for the Australia Day long weekend. Went into labour walking around with toddler who wouldn't settle down for the night in the tent. Initially my (ex) partner ...didn't believe me until I went outside and screamed and he came just in time to catch baby before she hit the sand! My daughter is now 32 and a great believer in
natural/home births. And no I didn't call her Sandy. :)"

That is the story of my birth. I was not a homebirth, yet a freebirth unplanned. I am quite sure I have been avoiding doctors all my life!

I do not think homebirth is silly. Nor is it dangerous. What is silly and dangerous in my mind is putting my life in someone else's hands when its not necessary. Which in turn is putting my child's life at risk. What the naysayers need to understand is, homebirth is not just a desire of the mother. Her rights come first and when you care and respect for the woman, you are doing same for the unborn child. Its not about doing all for the baby and forgetting the woman is a person. That is what is inherently wrong with my experiences having babies in hospital. Yes, I do matter. My physical and emotional wellbeing matter when I am caring for the precious newborn for whom people will do anything for when I am in labour. The contrast after I had my youngest son was immense. Was I so selfish to do what is best for me? To avoid the trauma? Not only for myself but my family too. Don't they deserve a happy mother?

Baby shower

Cong(r)atulations its a girl!

My Mum, my daughter and I celebrated with my cousin's girlfriend who is due with their first child.

My daughter loved the food and talking as well as the games which she did well at, winning a few prizes. It was so nice to hear how informed the Mum -to-be is on birth and that she wants for a natural birth.

She appreciated the gifts I made which is always nice to see.

My daughter in double figures (includes my memories of her birth)

 

My firstborn wearing a cloth flat under a Fluffies pilcher at one week - first trip in the pram.

If only I had known I could have knit her soakers.

 

At 4months we loved her screw on arms. I breastfed my daughter til she was 11.5mths. I was devestated I couldn't feed her til a full year.( I actually thought you breastfed til 1 year, no more no less.) I weaned because she was biting but I do wish I had persevered.

  

 She is still my princess, into all things pretty and fancy. I allow her to like what she likes even though I may not relate or understand.

 

So she is now 10. Amazingly confident and friendly, I am happy to see her grow into the person she needs to be. I want her to be happy. There is nothing else I could wish more for. To be successful or healthy or rich, its all secondary to being true to yourself and finding true happiness.

As she becomes a woman I want to be there for her, answer her questions and listens to her concerns.

When my daughter was born it was all so new to me. I did what I thought I should. Breastfeed and use cloth. But I didn't use my instinct as much as I should have. I was listening to others and going against my instinct. She desperately wanted to co - sleep and everyone was telling us that was wrong. She ended up co sleeping with her Dad until we had our third child when she started to co -sleep with her eldest brother. She adored becoming a big sister. It was the first time she told me she loved me. I know she loves her brothers very much even if they annoy her!

I had a very uncomfortable pregnancy with my daughter. I had no idea what it would be like and I was feeling very unwell where I could barely do anything but sleep for the first trimester. Giving birth was a relief. On the day she was born, my husband was at work, only starting 2 days before (and a day after she was due). I had had cravings for icecream through the pregnancy and on this day I walked to the shop a second time for another. When I walked back, my husband met me. At that time he was casual, so he came home at about 2.15pm. He wanted cordial so we went back to the shop (about 5-10 minute walk). I was feeling twinges but was unsure what it was. I had a bloody show and told my husband. He jumped up out of the beanbag and we embraced excitedly yet nervously.

Not really sure what we were to do, we went to my mother in law's place. We had just moved to our new place (we had been living with my MIL for about a year) and hadn't had the phone on. No one was home so we broke in (tsk tsk) and used the phone. MIL was at Bingo. I called my Mum. I was having contractions while we spoke and she suggested we get to the hospital because I could barely talk. 

I had terrible contractions in the car and grimaced and gripped the upholstery. At the Royal Women's Hospital, I was met by a midwife who asked to see my pad and then left. I had no idea what to do, so took off my underwear. She came back and must have approved that I was in labour. ( I didn't have a bloody show with J so the idea that all labours, births and women are different must be tough to deal with hospital policy huh?) So I was moved to another room for monitoring, again testing to see if I was actually in labour. My MIL and SIL were at the hospital and I started to worry that they would want to watch me give birth and being in the discomfort I was, I didn't want that. 

I was moved on to the labour ward, where I was basically left alone. At the time I thought it strange but in retrospect it was the best way. I had no idea what to expect or what was happening but that may have been a good thing. My husband was fantastic in helping me in the shower. Water on my belly and then on my back, and it was wonderful dealing with the contractions.

The midwife came in as I felt these strange sensations, I was pushing. I just went with it and thought within myself, Don't let on! I didn't want to leave this space and it was all going well. I don't think the hospital would want me to give birth in the shower. The midwife wanted to give me an internal to see how far dilated I was. I stepped out of the shower. Splat! Oh that is was what it looks like when your waters break.

In a tiny towel, big belly, baby's  head in birth canal, I was rushed across the office with strange eyes watching me. Told to lie on the bed, I did. I was pushing without any control.I screamed and it felt awesome. It was the best pain relief. I even laughed to hear myself like that. I met one lovely midwife who stood at my side not at my vagina and held my hand. But the next midwife who had just came on the new shift was cranky and told me to stop yellling, its not helping. She had no idea. That horrible stinging feeling as baby crowned. Floppy arms and legs felt weird. What a relief! She was out. Born on 24th February 2000 at 10:12pm.

I was expecting a boy but I was so happy the same. I had a baby!

Jabbed with a needle in the thigh, they may have told me it was to help the placenta to come out. I felt so anxious to get the placenta out. It was like I was still in labour and I felt so nauseated. I had a second degree tear that took an hour and a half to repair. The dr came in to do that and I had my legs up in the stirrups and they felt so weak and cold. I couldn't help but scream, it was awful. The Dr said he couldn't work if I was screaming so I was forced to take the gas. I could still feel the needle going through but my head was light and it was just bearable.
When I went to have a shower, I was amazed at the uneven weight. Felt like I was pregnant forever and to lose the belly and feel my full breasts, was an interesting unbalanced feeling!

I would say it was close to a perfect labour and birth. I was left alone for most of the labour and my body and my baby did what we had to do. In retrospect I can see people got in the way and made it more difficult.

I found it difficult to sleep afterwards on the ward. I was on a high from giving life to this little person. We called her Talia but she was "my girl" It took a while to realise she was mine. I wasn't used to hospital, it was my first hospital stay and I felt like an inconvenience being there let alone asking for anything. I was hungry and tired and happy to go home. I couldn't bear to be without her for the first year. It didn't feel right and then when she was about 2 to 3 she was my best friend. 

At 16mths she was asking to go to school. She loved Nursery as a toddler and Kinder, finally going at 4. Now in Grade 5, where as the time gone. At times it felt so slow especially when I was unwell in the first year or so of her life (I had Graves disease which wasn't diagnosed til she was about a year old) but now with our life with three more crazy kids and time rushing by, it seems so sureal to think of what is was like, spending our days together, just me and her when her Dad was at work.

I love my daughter so very much, she made me a mother and she has helped me to become a Mum.

Orgasmic Birth

 

  

Orgasmic Birth - The Best Kept Secret 

I mentioned orgasmic birth to my mum the other day. And she was taken aback, people don't think birth can be enjoyed. It reminded me of this film. I hadn't seen it but as it was mentioned a few times and I had the opportunity to see it in Warrnambool, we decided to take the trip there. Its about 3.5 hours from where we live.  I found the film shocking. Not because I don't think birth is sexual. But because of the interventions in the hospital births shown in the film. I found it traumatic to watch. I have seen babies taken from the womb on TV and I always find it distressing. But aside from that I found it an elightening film and when Dr Sarah J Buckley said something to the effect that society doesn't want women to own their birth experiences, to feel empowered, imagine what that may do to `our (patriarchal) society that is the crux of it I reckon. They took an intimate experience from the bedroom and put into a medicalised situation. Sometimes hurting 90% to help the 10% that may have problems.

Warrnambool is a beautiful place. It was my first time visiting. We took a walk around the coast and J loved it. He walked most of the time, even climbing over rocky parts. The sand was firm and a grey white colour, the water a lovely blue. It was a beautiful area.