My daughter in double figures (includes my memories of her birth)

 

My firstborn wearing a cloth flat under a Fluffies pilcher at one week - first trip in the pram.

If only I had known I could have knit her soakers.

 

At 4months we loved her screw on arms. I breastfed my daughter til she was 11.5mths. I was devestated I couldn't feed her til a full year.( I actually thought you breastfed til 1 year, no more no less.) I weaned because she was biting but I do wish I had persevered.

  

 She is still my princess, into all things pretty and fancy. I allow her to like what she likes even though I may not relate or understand.

 

So she is now 10. Amazingly confident and friendly, I am happy to see her grow into the person she needs to be. I want her to be happy. There is nothing else I could wish more for. To be successful or healthy or rich, its all secondary to being true to yourself and finding true happiness.

As she becomes a woman I want to be there for her, answer her questions and listens to her concerns.

When my daughter was born it was all so new to me. I did what I thought I should. Breastfeed and use cloth. But I didn't use my instinct as much as I should have. I was listening to others and going against my instinct. She desperately wanted to co - sleep and everyone was telling us that was wrong. She ended up co sleeping with her Dad until we had our third child when she started to co -sleep with her eldest brother. She adored becoming a big sister. It was the first time she told me she loved me. I know she loves her brothers very much even if they annoy her!

I had a very uncomfortable pregnancy with my daughter. I had no idea what it would be like and I was feeling very unwell where I could barely do anything but sleep for the first trimester. Giving birth was a relief. On the day she was born, my husband was at work, only starting 2 days before (and a day after she was due). I had had cravings for icecream through the pregnancy and on this day I walked to the shop a second time for another. When I walked back, my husband met me. At that time he was casual, so he came home at about 2.15pm. He wanted cordial so we went back to the shop (about 5-10 minute walk). I was feeling twinges but was unsure what it was. I had a bloody show and told my husband. He jumped up out of the beanbag and we embraced excitedly yet nervously.

Not really sure what we were to do, we went to my mother in law's place. We had just moved to our new place (we had been living with my MIL for about a year) and hadn't had the phone on. No one was home so we broke in (tsk tsk) and used the phone. MIL was at Bingo. I called my Mum. I was having contractions while we spoke and she suggested we get to the hospital because I could barely talk. 

I had terrible contractions in the car and grimaced and gripped the upholstery. At the Royal Women's Hospital, I was met by a midwife who asked to see my pad and then left. I had no idea what to do, so took off my underwear. She came back and must have approved that I was in labour. ( I didn't have a bloody show with J so the idea that all labours, births and women are different must be tough to deal with hospital policy huh?) So I was moved to another room for monitoring, again testing to see if I was actually in labour. My MIL and SIL were at the hospital and I started to worry that they would want to watch me give birth and being in the discomfort I was, I didn't want that. 

I was moved on to the labour ward, where I was basically left alone. At the time I thought it strange but in retrospect it was the best way. I had no idea what to expect or what was happening but that may have been a good thing. My husband was fantastic in helping me in the shower. Water on my belly and then on my back, and it was wonderful dealing with the contractions.

The midwife came in as I felt these strange sensations, I was pushing. I just went with it and thought within myself, Don't let on! I didn't want to leave this space and it was all going well. I don't think the hospital would want me to give birth in the shower. The midwife wanted to give me an internal to see how far dilated I was. I stepped out of the shower. Splat! Oh that is was what it looks like when your waters break.

In a tiny towel, big belly, baby's  head in birth canal, I was rushed across the office with strange eyes watching me. Told to lie on the bed, I did. I was pushing without any control.I screamed and it felt awesome. It was the best pain relief. I even laughed to hear myself like that. I met one lovely midwife who stood at my side not at my vagina and held my hand. But the next midwife who had just came on the new shift was cranky and told me to stop yellling, its not helping. She had no idea. That horrible stinging feeling as baby crowned. Floppy arms and legs felt weird. What a relief! She was out. Born on 24th February 2000 at 10:12pm.

I was expecting a boy but I was so happy the same. I had a baby!

Jabbed with a needle in the thigh, they may have told me it was to help the placenta to come out. I felt so anxious to get the placenta out. It was like I was still in labour and I felt so nauseated. I had a second degree tear that took an hour and a half to repair. The dr came in to do that and I had my legs up in the stirrups and they felt so weak and cold. I couldn't help but scream, it was awful. The Dr said he couldn't work if I was screaming so I was forced to take the gas. I could still feel the needle going through but my head was light and it was just bearable.
When I went to have a shower, I was amazed at the uneven weight. Felt like I was pregnant forever and to lose the belly and feel my full breasts, was an interesting unbalanced feeling!

I would say it was close to a perfect labour and birth. I was left alone for most of the labour and my body and my baby did what we had to do. In retrospect I can see people got in the way and made it more difficult.

I found it difficult to sleep afterwards on the ward. I was on a high from giving life to this little person. We called her Talia but she was "my girl" It took a while to realise she was mine. I wasn't used to hospital, it was my first hospital stay and I felt like an inconvenience being there let alone asking for anything. I was hungry and tired and happy to go home. I couldn't bear to be without her for the first year. It didn't feel right and then when she was about 2 to 3 she was my best friend. 

At 16mths she was asking to go to school. She loved Nursery as a toddler and Kinder, finally going at 4. Now in Grade 5, where as the time gone. At times it felt so slow especially when I was unwell in the first year or so of her life (I had Graves disease which wasn't diagnosed til she was about a year old) but now with our life with three more crazy kids and time rushing by, it seems so sureal to think of what is was like, spending our days together, just me and her when her Dad was at work.

I love my daughter so very much, she made me a mother and she has helped me to become a Mum.

Feminism and motherhood.

I read with great interest these two articles 2002  2008.
I grew up wanting to be a mother. A career never interested me. Not sure why. I would say I wanted to be a teacher, a childcare worker, a youth worker or anything to do with children. Really I just wanted to be a Mum but you can't say that. You have to make something up! I was never told I could be whatever want (something I tell my children) but rather told that I couldn't do certain things for totally irrational reasons. I wanted to be a youth worker. You can't, you aren't confident enough. I wanted to be a writer. You can't, you don't have what it takes. Maybe I am weak for listening to them but I am glad I did. It would have not been what I really wanted to do. I didn't want to marry just anyone or just have children at any cost. But at 21 I did fall in love and marry. I had my first child at 22 and though my Mum cautioned against getting pregnant straight away, our marriage survived and its stronger now.

http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/

1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? I am not a part of a movement, I am my own person. I don't belong to any group or label. But I feel strongly that as an individual I can make an impact and I have rights. Its all about human rights for me.  When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother? I have no clue- I am only starting to realise that I am and I believe it impossible for me not be interested in my rights! I have always been interested in human rights so its the same to me.
   
2. What has surprised you most about motherhood? I didn't expect to learn so much.
   
3. How has your feminism changed over time? More aware of the need for it, still trying to understand it. What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism? The balancing act - we all have value, nobody's needs are more important than anyone else's needs. So though I attend to my children I have to look after myself too.
   
4. What makes your mothering feminist? My children are equal with me in their value as is my husband, we work together as a family, I am not their slave, I am their mother, my husband's wife. How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? Honestly have no idea. What is a non-feminist? A misognist? How does feminism impact upon your parenting? I aim for equality and fairness. I question anything and everything whenever I can.
   
5. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? It is a balancing act. Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother? Yes, no one is perfect.
   
6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Yes. Its not something I talk about much. Its still something I am trying to work out. Why? The general consensus is that feminism is no longer necessary and we should be just be happy we have the vote. That is why we need feminism, we are far from equal with that attitude. We are given the impression all is well with us and we don't need to fight and we are should get on with our lives. The powers that be don't want us to indentify as feminists as it ruins their status quo.
   
7. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist? Yes that is the balancing I realise. I need sleep, my child needs my care. I have learnt to meet in the middle ground and its something I have to think about in the big picture.The way I parent facilitates as much as possible the needs of our family as a whole.
   
8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? He has only started to realise I am a feminist but is not that surprised. He has commented about those crazy feminist hippies. He married one and its changing the way he thinks and we are working more as a team than ever before. What is the impact of your feminism on your partner? We have more respect for each other. He sees my needs are just as important as his, that women are human and the issues that women face affect us all.
   
9. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them? I think it makes it easier in some ways. Helps keep a better balance. If I feel connected to my children then I can address their needs and wants, in turn they feel more confident and independant and I feel more whole too. I still feel as though at times I don't have personal space or me time but it comes around and it is important to me. My children's well being is of utmost importance so its just a matter of prioritising, which is the challenge. Its not meant to be easy.
   
10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? In some ways yes, because the belief that feminists can't be mothers or don't want to be is wrong. We need the free thinkers and the questioners to be procreating. We need stronger families and it starts with mothers. Its sad to me that the biggest feminist issue is largely being ignored ie. Birth.  Its the beginning, it is everything, it is so important and it involves women solely. Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers? Perspective....